Seize opportunities and take risks If you dont ask, you dont get

Seize opportunities and take risks If you dont ask, you dont getSeize opportunities and take risks If you dont ask, you dont getWomen are not raised to be brave. We are taught to play it safe, avoid risk and failure, and strive for perfection. From childhood, were told to be good little girls, to behave like a lady, to defer to the boys, to secure approval by pleasing the grownups, and to not be bossy, outspoken, pushy, self-aggrandizing, or disruptive.Men are taught to take risk after risk, play hard, and if they fail, to dust themselves off and plunge ahead. Behaviors such as fighting, yelling, shoving, interrupting, or competing fiercely are permitted and even approved of.This kind of gender stereotyping is nowhere mora pervasive than in the business world.Professional achievement and all the traits associated with it get placed in the male column. If a man focuses on his career and taking a calculated approach to amassing power, he is living up to societys stereotypical expecta tions of men. If a woman behaves in the exact same manner, she has violated stereotypical expectations of women. This bias is at the core of why women are held back by men and why women hold themselves back.it is a massive understatement to say that women and men are not having the same experiences at work. Women are underrepresented at every level in the corporate pipeline. They are less likely than men to be hired, paid the same wage, or promoted. In one study, when presented with identical resumes - with one submitted by John and the other by Jennifer - science professors regarded the male applicant as a more competent, significantly better hire than the female applicant, offered John a salary more than $4,000 higher, and were ready to provide greater career mentoring to John than to Jennifer.The problem is clear Women will never advance in business until we break through these stereotypes. Women need to learn to take risks, withstand disapproval and criticism, survive failure, seize opportunities, and understand that perfection is never required. And we must do all of this under the disapproving glare of the men.This is a tough assignment but we must stop limiting ourselves and move forward bravely. Here are some actions women can take to reverse this trend and advance their careersBe brave and take risks. Remake yourself to exude confidence.Reach for opportunities. Opportunities are rarely handed to you on a plate- you have to reach out and seize them. Take risks and advocate for yourself. Take the hard job even if its a stretch for you. If you dont, some guy will, even if its just as hard a stretch for him. Put yourself forward. When you get your hands on a project, dive into it, take charge, and offer your opinion as freely as any man would.Learn how to recover from mistakes. Shake off mistakes and move on. Men do. They also have far better mechanisms for blaming external factors (e.g., The deadline was ridiculous) or finding a reassuring personal exc use (I got hit with another assignment just as I was about to turn to this.) Women obsess about perfection and agonize over mistakes. If a woman makes a presentation to twenty people, and nineteen of them tell her it was terrific, but one tells her he thought it was mediocre, shell dwell on that one persons comment. Perfection is unachievable. Learn from your mistakes and move on.Remember your body language matters. Make your physical presence known. Use the strategies that men already use lean forward at the table, point to the person youve chosen to acknowledge for a comment. Stand up and walk to the front of the room, put the flats of your hands on the table to make a point and you look someone squarely in the eye- whatever it takes. These high-power poses make you appear more authoritative and confident Men tend to interrupt women more often when we lean away, smile, or dont look at the person we are speaking to.Stop nodding and agreeing. When a woman nods, she simply means, Go on, Im listening. But a man will interpret a nod as agreement with whatever point hes making. Similarly, when a man mentions something he knows, its a bid to establish his status. In response, a woman will acknowledge the mans point, thinking that she will, in turn, be expected to share, and that a connection will be made. Not so. The man takes her agreement as submission to his higher status. Take note of your congenial nature - womens habits of politeness and social facilitation are misconstrued as supporting male dominance. Instead of nodding your head, be ready to challenge and question.If you dont ask, you dont get. This is critical. How will you ever reach your goals if you quietly perform only those assignments you are handed? Ask for what you want.Outmoded gender roles have kept women from achieving their full profil for years. Now we must proactively seize every opportunity to demonstrate our value in society and change the way women are treated.Linda Jane Smiths new book, Smashing Glass Kicking Ass Lessons from the Meanest Woman Alive, is available at Amazon as well as other online booksellers. To learn more, visit Linda on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, Instagram and at TheMeanestWomanAlive.com.

Parade of Freebies.

Parade of Freebies.Parade of Freebies.FREE Wi-Fi - As of November 10, 2009 Yahoo partnered up with The Times Square alliance to bring free Wi-Fi to Times Square. Whether you have a laptop, iPhone, netbook or any other Wi-Fi enabled device, you can now check the latest weather, sports or any other information you normally search for - right in the middle of Times Square Read MorePosted by FrugalNYC, via The 405 ClubPreviouslyNew Unemployment Claims Drop to 502k.

How to Deal When a Colleague Is Threatened by You

How to Deal When a Colleague Is Threatened by YouHow to Deal When a Colleague Is Threatened by You If you find yourself working alongside that colleague who routinely undercuts you in meetings, puts you down in conversations or criticizes your work in front of others, take note. Those are telltale signs that he or she may be threatened by you. Its difficult to exhibit your professional best, while also trying to deflect the shade that your colleague is throwing your way. While this situation can be tough to navigate, know that you have power here. Clarity helps Understanding why youre being treated this way can yield strategies for managing it. Heres what you need to know.It may seem like the part who is treating you this way is coming from a place of confidence and control, but the opposite is, in fact, the case. Dr. Claudia Luiz , award-winning author of The Making of a Psychoanalyst explains People act threatened by going into either fight or flight. In the fi ght position, they behave in a hostile way for fear of feeling inadequate or of being thwarted. In the flight mode, they shut down and stonewall and you absolutely cannot connect to the person. . . A lot of feelings can be behind feeling threatened by someone. The feelings that get aroused can range from deep inadequacy to actual fear.If your talent is stirring this reaction in your colleague, this certainly isnt your fault. But it helps to have a sense of where that person is coming from after all, you have to work with him or her. Luiz explains, Competent or beautiful people can arouse our worst fears about ourselves as well as our most unresolved anger about feeling lesser-than.You dont need this back-handed compliment. Its not your responsibility to make your colleague comfortable with you. But if you think its worth your effort, forging well-functioning relationships can make things easier at work. While harmonious relationships are helpful and satisfying in the workplace, yo u dont have to get along with everyone. Deciding what you need in this situation is step one. Is it worth it to try to raffinesse a relationship here, or are you better served to keep your distance? If you feel compelled to put effort into this relationship, know that it can be a chore. So think it through, and make sure its worth it. Luiz advises It takes work to put someone at ease who is threatened by you, and it requires both compassion and inauthenticity since you cant really be yourself with the person (after all, the person is not really seeing you for the totality of who you are, and is pushing you away whether they do so with the fight or flight). Therefore, you should always ask yourself, what is my goal in putting this person at ease?Be clear in your own mind about how you plan to proceed with this relationship and why youve decided to do so. Its also important to note and document instances that concern you, especially any that could put you at risk in any way, such as damaging your professional reputation. If you detect that this person is circulating incorrect information or publically questioning your competence, it may be in your best interest to give your manager a heads up. Note dates and times when instances took place and include a list of other staff people who were present. If you decide to move forward in your efforts to win over your difficult colleague, Luiz advises The way to neutralize a situation where someone feels threatened by you is to humanize yourself. Translation talk about vulnerabilities such as food allergies, the pressure to do too much with a busy household, grief because a family member died, or even honesty about a failure. In other words, painting yourself as a person who also struggles and has difficulties can change a persons feelings who may otherwise feel threatened because they put you on a pedestal. But know that if you take this route you need a clear sense of your own boundaries. You dont want the project o f humanizing yourself to give your colleague fodder for further mistreatment. Luiz explains Humanizing yourself may not work if a person wants to seek revenge at the hands of feeling inadequate or threatened. When a person is seeking revenge, they dont want to humanize you, they want to put you down. If you discover that this is the case, then its important to be firm and clear in the boundaries you set. Luiz advises You have to put a stop to it by simply saying I dont like the way you are behaving towards me. There are many ways of saying that you dont like the behavior, such as please stop talking over me in meetings,. . . and otherwise setting up boundaries to protect yourself from destructive behavior. People who feel threatened and are seeking revenge are often engaging in unconscious behavior. A firm redirect can go far in putting a stop to how they are behaving.While you may be able to salvage the relationship, its more complicated when a supervisor or a higher-level professi onal is the one whos enacting this behavior. If thats the case, Luiz points out If the superior is determined to put down an underling, that underling is not in a geldschrank place. In this case, document and report to a leader you consider safe and to your HR colleagues. You deserve to feel safe and respected at your workplace. Theres no justification for mistreatment. If you endeavor to put your colleague at ease, its kind of you. It may reduce the weight of this hassle, but dont feel like you have to. Its not your role to make this work, its your colleagues responsibility to stop dragging his or her baggage to work.